with hope.

this is hard.

i had hoped, i had prayed that this day would not come.

my friends precious son Gavin passed away last evening after a short but courageous battle with cancer.

i have so many conflicting emotions right now going on inside of me. i am sad. i am angry. i am hollow. i am doubting. i am hopeful.

i am sad because i know the love a parent has for their child. i am sad because i saw the unconditional love that Kelly & Jaimee had for Gavin. I am sad because people that mean so much to me, lost the one person who meant the world to them.

i am angry because God didn't listen to my prayers. i am angry that a innocent child passed away. i am angry because there was nothing i could do to help this situation. i am angry that in this day of modern medicine, medicine failed.

i am hollow because i ache for my friends. i ache for the loss they must be feeling.

i am doubting because i don't understand why God took Gavin. i don't understand why he would allow a hurt like this.

i am hopeful. if you would have asked me "hopeful?" last night, i would have laughed in your face. hope was the last thing in my mind last night when i heard the news. it wasn't until a caring person sent me the lyrics to this song today that the word "hopeful" popped into my head. i am hopeful that one day, all of our loved ones will be together again, in heaven.

With hope....by Steven Curtis Chapman

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...
We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ..
So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope



I grieve for you Gavin..... with hope